Its Okay

It is a new feeling.
Regrowth, realization.
Being uncertain and taking baby steps in a new direction.
I've never felt completely alone in a room before.
and its Invigorating and Disheartening.
But I am opening up and blooming.
I am a lilypad and a lilac bush and an autumn leaf.
I am warm and safe and loved.
I am confused and growing and awkward.
And
Its Okay.

Want

I want him
I want him so much it feels dangerous,
And every time I look in his eyes it burns
But when I manage to hold his gaze
Time is suspended
On thin, steel threads
Above a chasm i'm not so sure
I wouldn't want to fall into with him


Poison: Want

1day

We are a sad and sorry race
We either adore love or despise it
For how could creatures such as we
Compromise our passions?
The breaths we took together
Clatter in the empty cavities pocketing my skeleton
Stale and hard to swallow,
The ugly truth in my bathroom mirror
The novocaine produced by an active mind
Is blissful

I would give my heart and soul to have you back
And my unraveling mind to keep you away
I would give my eyes and ears to open yours
Or maybe seal them shut
I would give my tongue to hear you speak one more time
I would give my life to keep you silent

It would be so easy to be angry
It would be so easy to fein angelic-ness
It would be so easy to shut myself away
If only it was as easy to move on

Oh, what I would give to forget...
Nothing.

And the worst part is that he doesn't know
And the best part is that he never will
And the truth is that it kills me.

Time carries you away.

1day you'll grow up
1day you'll be ready for love
1day you'll find it
1day will be perfect...

1day,
Was yesterday
And the hell I'm in now,
Well,
thats why its called

2day.

Its my poison.

You

It hurts.
It hurt it hurts it hurts.
Why?
Because he's not you.

Pick your poison.
Mine is,
And always will be,

You.

Moving On

Waking up and living
Everyday is like waiting
For a panic attack of your love to strike
A bolt of lightning from the past to hit
Somedays and maybes weren't ever enough for me
Laters and tomorrows never cut it
His bullshit workaholic ways just hurt
But your promises
Your questions and interests
They're always more than enough
And when I fall deeper in Love with you
I fall deeper in Love with Us
I'll always be the first and last to admit
That sometimes the tomorrows and maybes,
I miss them
But I'll always be the first and last to reassure you
That I would miss this time
Here with you
Most of all
Moving on is difficult
Every minute tearing at my heart
But you are always there to apply bandages
Kisses and comfort
But most of all perfect understanding
And while you don't think I'm looking
I study your face
And wonder how you became so perfectly you
With all of life's obstacles in the way.

Pick your poison: Wonderment

Time

It slips by
Sliding, slithering, rushing and roaring
Swallowing us up and spitting us out
Leaving some broken and washed out
Some bewildered and clinging to what cannot ever be again
And some it sweeps up gently, carrying them along
Until they reach their predestinations
I've tried moving on
Going with the flow
I was drug to the bottom and held there
Screaming for relief and clawing towards the top
Skin feels like its about to burst
You wish it would
So you could disintegrate into a thousand fragments
Be swirled away forever
The worst time
Is the time in your head
The things that wont leave
That wont break down
That wont keep quiet
It doesn't sweep away
Rushing and roaring and frightening
It fills up your head
Your body
Your heart
And finally your soul
Being heavy with time,
Like lead
Sandbagging you from the rest of the world
Until all you can see
All you hear, taste, touch, feel
Is too much Time

Pick your poison.
Today, it's Time.

Power

I know what I am
I know that I am
A cyclone
A hurricane
A terrifying force
Out of control and unstoppable
Is it such a bad thing?
Is it such a good thing?
I'll sweep you off your feet
Drop you from a height of a thousand feet
Maybe you'll lie broken at the bottom
Of a chasm we dug together
Maybe you'll find yourself dangling from
A twisted lifeline
And secretly, we both pray that you'll make it to safety
You would think I never look back
And I don't
Not because I'm heartless
Not because I don't know better
Not because I don't want to
Just because I know I shouldn't
Because I know that we can only take pain
And forgive it
Forget it
Rebuild and that is what will make us strong
That is the only thing that can
I do not ask if you can forgive me
I ask only if you will
In your own time in your own way
I wonder if you will have the courage
To make yourself strong
To become a cyclone of your own
Is that why I am here?
To break, to destroy, to strengthen?
Whatever you call it
It is what it is
And I am what I am
Life can be frightening
And all we can do is show it that we are not.
We are all assigned tasks
Is this mine?
To be benevolent through havoc-wreaking?
If so I believe it to be a poor one.
I do not look back
Ever
But sometimes
For you
I do

Pick your poison. Mine is Power.